AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
