this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
wow bdsm is so cute
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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