his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
