Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
