Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
