You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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