he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
