he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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