i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
