so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
