I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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