The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
