Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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