I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize