first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
