Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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