you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
