After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
