We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
