who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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