i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
