You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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