my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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