Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
