I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
smell my finger.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
