Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
