I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
