Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
