Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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