one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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