I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize