forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
