this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize