I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize