I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
where are my eyebrows?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
