I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
