just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
