I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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