eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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