is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
