I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
