margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
