so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
