Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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