I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
