Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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