How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
