i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
