I'm gonna have a badass scar
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
