Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize