He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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