Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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