Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Let's get the cat blown out
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
