Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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