just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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