I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
