Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
