You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize