Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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