Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
