the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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