so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
