When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
